When Others wont let you escape your past.

Anyone who knows me, knows I've mood problems. I have anxiety, depression, major trust issues, and know I am not good enough.... So why... when I am working hard on changing everything about myself, both in personality and physical wise, people choose to take up my past and smash it in my face? Why must others drag people down, and show them that they can't ever better themselves?

Why do people make others feel guilty for trying to better themselves? Why am I a bad person for trying to change everything about my own existence to make other people happy? I was happy as I was, but that was never enough for anyone else, and never could be... So? So I change myself, I work my ass off to do it, and people still only remember the past. Why bother?

Updates

I finally have my surgery date!!!! 

June 1st at 6am, fifteen days before my 28th birthday. 

Now begins the chaos of getting ready, I've had to make list upon list of things I need just before surgery, things I will need to bring with me for surgery, and things I should have ready at home when I come back from surgery...

Crying again....

Why is it that the people we love the most, gain the ability to hurt us the most?

Why do we want things we can't have?

Why does happiness hurt so much?

What is it about living with depression and anxiety that makes a person bitter and cynical? Makes them want to crawl into a hole to die? Makes them feel unworthy of life, of love.... of existance? Why do we (the depressed) feel guilty for bothering normal people with our mood swings? Why do we have to handle it all alone? Why don't the pills help? Why does physical pain help? Yes, I said it. Cutting, or just general pain (stepping on a lego, banging your toes off a desk) physical pain helps... why? Because when your body hurts, your mind cannot focus on the internal agony of life. So why is that? I have worked for years and years on stopping the need to cut. I've done well, I have, but lately,the need has come back.... the cuts from two weeks ago are healing, but the mental agony is back, and I want to do it again.... Is physical pain an addiction? No... but the escape is welcome....

People say "get help" "You need help"... and the help says "Here take these pills and come back in a few weeks." but what they don't think of is that MAYBE, instead of pumping us full of pills, we really just need someone to listen.... to validate our feelings, to tell us that, "the way you feel, is valid.... I can't fix it, but I can be here.... and offer you a shoulder." We, the depressed, the chronically anxious, we don't need pills, pity, or people who abandon us in times of need. We need stability, shoulders, and a shit ton of tissues for our issues. 

So.... the question is... why is it so hard for non-depressed people... to be there emotionally for someone who is suffering from severe depression... without judging them?