They might start to believe it, and leave you behind, floating like sand in the wind.
Not many who know me, know the REAL me.. Frankly, I didn't know the real me until a short while ago, when I realized I chased off the person I loved more than anyone else. Nine years off and on, but we always went back to each other, ALWAYS.... And when I got that news one day, that I was infertile, I made the choice for him... I decided he deserved a woman, who could give him a future one day. A family. For months I pushed him away, when all I wanted to do was hold him close... For months I forced myself to stay away from him, to give him a chance at happiness... For months I spiralled into the most severe depression I've ever felt.
Now... it's all over... he's gone off, to find a brighter future... without me. Now, I'm dying inside.
The past weeks have been hell, so I caved, and I contacted him. I missed his scent, his touch, his kisses in my hair. I missed his constant and steadfast love, that I know (now), I would have had forever if I hadn't been so presumptuous.
It is an odd thing when you are head over heels in love with someone, who was yours, was always yours, until YOU pushed them away, yourself.. and they offer to get you on a dating site to find someone else. Odd, and terribly painful. I have been crying all the time the past few days. Crying myself to sleep, waking up in a pool of tears, crying in the shower, on the bus, and yes even into my coffee...
How can I fix this? I've prayed to gods I don't believe in. I have begged, pleaded to turn back time... but I know I chose this path, I made him leave me.... made him find someone else. I have no one to blame but myself.
So, readers... please, don't you EVER decide that someone would be better off without you... because they can be, but you wont be.
The last gift I received from him... Nearly a year later, I still have it dried.
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